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Ginger Holczer, PsyD


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Tuesday
Aug142012

Connection....

"Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinding and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves."  --Brene' Brown, excerpt from the "Power of Vulnerability"

A few weekends ago, as I was avoiding the things I should be doing like planning my upcoming classes, I decided to spend the morning watching TED videos--after all, they're educational, right?!  So, I settled in with the remote to my Roku box and started browsing the psychology category.  I came across one that seemed interesting, "The Power of Vulnerability," by a woman who proports to study human connection. Sounds good and still in line with my avoidant justification to watch educational videos.  I knew within the first 30 seconds of Brene' Brown's talk that I was meant to avoid and tune in.  Not only was the video entertaining and funny, but her message on connection, shame, and vulnerability was priceless.  

Spend 20 minutes with this video and you won't be disappointed.  

 If you are as moved as I was, then tune in to her follow up video titled, "Listening to Shame."  Click here to watch.

Tuesday
Jul242012

Life scripts

We all have a story--a narrative that we have written that describes our past and defines the meaning we allow that story to have in our lives.  The story always has a cast of characters, moving from scene to scene in a way that can either leave a trail of negativity and resentment, or a more positive outlook based on life lessons and growth.  

Most of us can say that we have struggled in our lives--with varying degrees of pain and suffering.  Sometimes, it seems as though the script the characters were following was completely out of our control.  Even though we might not be able to change the script, we have the ability to decide how we are going to react to the scriptand the meaning we want to give to the actions.  We can decide whether we want to write our story from a perspective full of victimization and blame, or from a different perspective of growth and empowerment.  

Be creative and write a new narrative--seeing yourself as empowered and moving forward, despite the old script that has been running the show for years.  Taking responsibility for how you interpret the events in your life can give you a new way of finding meaning and allows you to define what role you want to play in the story.  As the author of your own story, treat yourself with the kindness and generosity that you always deserved.  Rewrite your narrative based on resilience and compassion, remembering to cast yourself as the star of the show, instead of a supporting actor!

Friday
Jul202012

Being Mindful

I often talk about mindfulness and the benefit it has to our wellbeing.  If you are in the Springfield, Missouri area, this is a great opportunity to learn more about what it is and how to become more mindful.  Check it out!

Ever heard of Mindfulness Mediation and wonder just what it is and how it could be helpful to you?
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is a method of using meditation to cultivate awareness and reduce stress. It is based on the ancient practice of mindfulness, which is about waking up, being fully alive, and being present for the richness of each moment of our lives.
Mercy Integrative Medicine
 invites you to join us in
“A Moment of Mindfulness Meditation”
with
Dr. Maureen Hall
Saturday, August 11, 2012
9:00 AM – 4:00 PM
Located in Mercy Health Plans Building, 3265 S. National, 2nd floor conference room
Please bring a sack lunch and drink.
 There is no charge for the session but donations for Dr. Hall will be gratefully accepted

To reserve your space, email Terri Driver at Terri.Driver@Mercy.net or call 417-820-3342
 Space is limited so register today!

Monday
Jul092012

50 shades of Knowing What You Want

Whether you liked the books or not, one thing that Fifty Shades Of Grey did was to get women thinking more about sex.  Even if BDSM isn't your cup of tea, I would encourage you to think about what it is that does turn you on and rev you up!  We all have different wants and needs, so rather than taking on whatever the "self-help book of the week" tells you it is that women like, let's talk about what you like.

As women, sometimes our sexual needs get lost in the day-to-day grind of family, job, and other obligations.  When was the last time you allowed yourself a moment to let your mind wander to the erotic? What do you fantasize about when you do allow yourself that pleasure?  When it comes to fantasy, some fantasies are fair game to talk about and act out; while other fantasies are fun and titillilating, they stay in the realms of the imagination--for whatever reason.  

Give yourself permission to spend some alone time--and think about what fantasies get you thinking about pleasure!  If you are having trouble getting started, there are some great books out there that can help point you in a great direction--I like the books by Nancy Friday.  They have been around awhile, but are tried and true.  Her books give a sampling of what women fantasize about, and the topics are many!  So, give it a go--dream away!

Monday
Jun042012

Tale of two lovers

Love rests on two pillars:  surrender and autonomy.  Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.  One does not exist without the other.  With too much distance, there can be no connection.  But too muchy merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals.  Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter.  When people become fused--when two become one--connection can no longer happen.  There is no one to connect with.        

--exerpt from Esther Perel's book, "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence".

 I love this book and Perel's message regarding connection.  We have to find the balance between togetherness and separateness in our erotic relationship, in order for sexual desire to be realized.  It's hard to look at your partner as a lover when you are merged in a way that is unhealthy, or when you are too distant.  Both extremes take away from the enigma of seduction and desire.  What does your erotic relationship need to be more exciting?  Do you need to be more connected with each other or take some healthy breaks now and then?  Click here to read more from Mating In Captivity.

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