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Ginger Holczer, PsyD


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Thursday
Mar212013

Why does good intimacy not always equal good sex?

Many times, sexual desire wanes in long-term, committed relationships.  This issue is addressed in the book, Mating In Captivity, by Esther Perel.  Very eloquently, she tells us how to bridge domesticity and sexual desire.  Recently, she discussed this topic in a Ted Talk that has over a million views--and well deserved. Watch the video here:

Watch with your partner and begin a dialogue about how you can add more passion into your relationship.

Friday
Jan042013

What?! You don't like me?

We all come across people who just don't seem to like us.  Generally, we tend to take it personal and see it as a fault of ourselves, rather than considering that it could be a product of the other person's individual filter or limited perception.  What that means is that the other person has an idea based on their own experiences--and our tendency is to interpret based on that experience.  For instance, we may remind someone of their abusive father, the kid in elementary school that they fought with all the time, or the ex-spouse who never stood up for them.  The point is, it may have absolutely nothing to do with us!

We all want to be liked and if we aren't liked by someone else we can easily get bogged down in feeling bad.  What can we do instead of taking on someone else's projection of us?  Try just accepting that we all have different perspectives, opinions, and interpretations.  When we give others the freedom of acceptance, we can access it for ourselves, letting go of the idea of needing approval so we can spend more of our emotional energy in more positive directions.  This way, we can handle the situation with the spirit of integrity and honoring ourselves.

Tuesday
Dec042012

Workshop!!

Come check out this workshop opportunity I am facilitating at Aerosha this weekend~

Every woman has a sex goddess inside, but as women, most of us do not even come close to realizing our sexual potential. We are taught from a young age that sex is for men and "good girls don't...." As a result, women are labeled as lacking sexual desire and we don't realize how much opportunity for pleasure, intimacy, and personal power is lost.  Come and learn how to reconnect to feminine desire, love your body, enjoy sexuality, and communicate your needs. Own the lusciousness and sexual desire you deserve! This class is held in sacred space with no explicit behavior in the class.  Dress in comfortable clothing, we will begin this session with a gentle warmup.  Includes snack and beverage.  All Women Welcome. Pay in advance $55; Pay upon arrival $65.   Register by following the link:

http://aerosha.blogspot.com/2012/12/december-workshop-schedule.html#links

Thursday
Nov222012

Thankful...

I am thankful to the brave people who share their lives and stories with me.  It is an honor to be allowed to witness the pain, joy, and healing that goes along with becoming vulnerable with another person.  I am honored and humbled...

Friday
Nov162012

Unleashing your sex goddess

Being sexual is a vital part of who we are as women, but life gets in the way.  Kids, job, dirty dishes, bills, illness--the list goes on and on.  When the last thing on the list is sex, how do we get our "sexy back" and unleash the sex goddess that has been on hiatus?

  • Make a conscious effort to think about sex during the day.  What turns you on?  Women tend to be in a neutral place when it comes to sex, so bringing the idea of sex into consciousness can help the sex goddess come more to the forefront than always being on the back burner.
  • Create ritual. Remember when you were early in the throes of a new relationship?  Ritual was important. We were painstaking about getting ready to see our beloved--adorning our bodies, making the space we will meet in to be cozy and pleasing--such as candlelight, music, incense, particular foods that we enjoy. This was all done with the idea of pleasing ourselves and our partners.  Find a ritual that is meaningful. Be creative in the space--spray your linens with scent, put flowers around the bed, soften the lighting in the room, set the stage for sensual pleasure.
  • Flirt!  Remember what it was like to tease your partner?  A sexy note placed in a pocket, a text that says exactly what you plan to do to your partner's body when you get home, or maybe a lingering kiss on your way out in the morning that implies there is more to come...
  • Schedule a sex date.  As much as we want to be spontaneous, it rarely occurs if we wait around for that moment to happen.  Planning a liaison can give us something to anticipate and get us in the mood, much like dates when we were first getting together.  Spontaneous can be fun, but a well-thought out sex date can be HOT!

So, let the sex goddess out of the back of the closet and make her a priority.  Sexuality is an important part of who we are and a vital part of our own self-expression!