"Good Enough Sex"

Clothes fly off, you both fall into each others arms, everything is going hot and heavy, and then....Wait! That wasn't supposed to happen!  You can fill in the blank here, with everything from flaccid penises to unlubricated vaginas to bad breath to kids running into the room!  When we begin this sexual journey the expectation becomes getting to the destination--orgasm.  The problem occurs when being sexual and the act of sensuously enjoying each other's bodies always becomes the means to the end. 

Barry McCarthy, PhD and Michael Metz, PhD gave the field of sexology the notion of "Good Enough Sex" (Click here to see article).  They suggest that even the most healthy couples vary in the quality of sex experiences.  According to the article, 35-45% of sexual experiences are "Very Satisfying," 20-25% are rated "Good" for at least one partner, 15-20% are considered "Okay" or not remarkable, while 5-15% of sexual experiences in healthy couples are considered "Unsatisfying" or dysfunctional.  Further, they state that among this group of satisfied couples, intercourse does not happen up to 15% of the time.

So, the next time things don't go so well in the bedroom, think about how you can move forward.  Try an erotic play time without intercourse.  Since our experiences vary in quality, it seems logical to consider that we should aim for more variance in the type of experiences we share with each other.  Make sure you are talking about it, experimenting with each other, and laughing about it when it's appropriate.  Remember that in reality, sex is not always a perfect, mind-blowing experience!