For an appointment:

Ginger Holczer, PsyD






 Have a question?

Email us now.


look into my eyes...

With many couples, it seems that when they are having difficulty in their relationship, they stop looking at each other.  I have heard people say, "I don't know when the last time was that I actually looked at him/her."  Eye gazing is a big part of falling in love--think about when you were in the beginning of a new relationship, or looking deep into the eyes of a newborn baby.  We could barely take our eyes off the other person! When we are in a conversation or flirting situation and make eye contact, we are practicing a more subtle form of eye gazing.

Eye gazing is an ancient practice found in some Eastern traditions, usually associated with tantra--which is a "soulful" way to connect at a deeper level.  Tantra is a sanskrit word meaning "woven together," which uses sexual union to bring together the physical and spiritual.  Whether this is a notion you can buy into or not, we can't discount the power of eye gazing.

So, give it a go!  Sit cross-legged across from your partner (or mirror, if you want to try this alone).  Set some boundaries as to time, touching or not, how to pull back when your mind wanders, etc.  Start with the left eye--it should be a soft gaze, not a staring contest.  When you feel comfortable to do so, change eyes. Relax and just experience...not judging what arises, and taking in the moment with curiosity and openness.  Try it for 5 minutes or so to begin, extending the time as you get more comfortable.

Discuss the experience with your partner, or if you are eye gazing with yourself, think about what it was like--How did it feel?  Were you able to see beyond the body?  What kind of feelings came up for you?  Try keeping a journal of your eye gazing experiences.

Eye gazing is a powerful exercise  that can develop or awaken intimacy.  Try it with different people in your life, including yourself.  Practice with your partner, both before and during sex to enhance your connection to each other.  The eyes, indeed, are the "windows to the soul."

For the more adventurous, get more information about tantra here.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

References (9)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
« The Relationship Tango | Main | Alone... »