Thursday, July 4, 2013 at 11:20AM
Ginger Holczer

Fireworks are everywhere this time of year--but what about in the bedroom? One myth that we tend to believe is that all sexual encounters should be mind-blowing, "knock your socks off" sex.  Not true!  When we put that expectation on ourselves or our partners, we end up disappointed and sometimes even angry.  Barry McCarthy and Michael Metz, authors of many books regarding sexuality and relationships came up with what they call "The Good Enough Sex Model."  The model says:

35%-45% of encounters are "very good"

20% are "good" for at least one partner and "okay" for the other

15%-20% are "okay" for one partner and "acceptable" for the other

5%-10% are dissatisfying or dysfunctional

So, take the pressure off yourself and your partner, relax and enjoy the fireworks when they happen--but give yourself permission to be okay if they don't happen every time.  And for the 5%-10% of the time that is a disaster, try a sense of humor.  It can work wonders to allow you and your partner to move forward in a sexually healthy direction without embarrassment or resentment.  Have a Happy 4th!

Article originally appeared on Ginger Holczer, PsyD (
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