Ginger Holczer, PsyD

I see many clients because their interactions with other people are making life difficult, or causing them a great deal of pain. It's common that I see people who have had multiple problems occur--real issues that are wreaking havoc. It seems that some people tend to attract such waves of discord, but the fact is that they don't desire life to be difficult or dysfunctional. When trouble tends to follow you around, there are several things to consider:

Are you replaying old family patterns? Does the situation remind you of your childhood? Many times we replay old family dramas with the hope that we may be able to "change history" or set something right after all these years. Unfortunately, all we end up doing is repeating the same old behavior and getting the same old results.

Is there something about the situation that is filling a need? Perhaps unconsciously? Sometimes there is a need that is being satisfied, so we keep repeating the behavior. For instance, a person that continually appears to be a "victim" may be filling a need to be taken care of by others. Remember, this isn't a conscious process.

Do you find yourself getting caught up in the "blame game?" Most of us don't do this consciously, but we tend to sabotage ourselves by not taking responsibility for our own failures OR successes.

If this applies to you, it's time to take action and get out of the rut. The first thing is to take responsibility for your healing, empowering yourself to move forward, instead of the same ol' stagnant place. Ask yourself what do you have control over? What do you have no control over? Remember that when it comes to how you interact, the only thing you really have any control over is your own reaction. If this rings true for you, stay tuned--more on this later!