"So instead of viewing desire as a commodity, something that we're in danger of losing or missing out on, I'd like us to agree up front that sexual desire is energy--a sustainable resource that's available to all of us if we want it, even those of us who may not have it right now. Not just to lead us into steamier encounters, but to reconnect us with ourselves and our partners, and to discover new sources of pleasure and joy." --Gina Ogden, PhD, from The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion
Dr. Gina Ogden gives us a wonderful glimpse into female sexual desire by suggesting the notion that desire, at its best, has components of four types of energy--body, mind, heart, and spirit. I think most of us get the body thing....and maybe the heart thing, but what does the rest mean? It means completeness--and a well-rounded way of looking at experiencing sexual desire, outside of an intercourse encounter.
As women, so many things can get in the way of sexual desire--hormones, kids, demands, career, guilt, shame, etc. And what about self-esteem? Self-esteem can be a huge mood killer, draining the sexual energy right out of our bodies. We end up putting sex at the very bottom of our list, instead of giving it the attention it deserves. Even if we are without a partner, sexuality can be a very important part of our lives. Consider this: sexuality can actually increase energy, instead of the dread that it's just another way of taking energy away from us.
Rather than seeing sexual energy as a demand on our already tired bodies, think about the idea that sex can be rejuvenating--an "energy-giver" instead of an "energy-sucker!" Desire can go way beyond a time-consuming moment of hop into bed/few minutes of foreplay/orgasm or not/go to sleep--it can be long, lingering looks, a sensuous moment in a bathtub, the feel of silk on your skin, dancing to a passionate piece of music, dreams, wishes, listening to a dreamy melody, hopes, and on and on...
If desire is something you struggle with, there is hope. Call Creative Pathways to inquire about ways our small, confidential groups can help you grow in the area of desire. Go to the "Books on Amazon" section of this website to find a link to purchase Dr. Ogden's powerful book.
Stay tuned for more on sexual desire....